Thankful Thursday

It's been a minute since my last Thankful Thursday post. I bet you were thinking I'll skip this one also...

Well, you're wrong and I'm glad to be back.

This Thursday, I'm thankful for...

1. Flats/slippers/flip-flops/anything with no/low heel. While I love my heels so much, I'm glad I can slip on my heelless shoe at the end of a work day, sometimes even after lunch. There are those days I don't even feel like wearing heals at all so I wear my flat to work, but sometimes I feel like it doesn't compliment my outfit well, so I opt for the heel anyway, but smart enough to carry flats with me. It has actually become an habit now to always have a pair of flat handy, at least when I'm carrying a purse large enough to hold one and I know I'll be out of the house for  a long time.

2. The Marriage Success Class. I am truly really thankful for this series. Even though I post the transcript for each session, I feel like it's not enough to capture and relate what actually transpire in the class. Talking about marriage the way God intend it to be, sitting in a  room with people that have been married for years and years and people that are willing to share their experiences, their lives as a lesson to you, it's truly amazing. We have definitely learn a lot, picked up a thing or two and we're heading in the right direction. You never really stop learning in a marriage and should never stop trying new things. It all fun to sit and read books but it's even better when you get to hear and share first hand. It  is a time when the saying "you're not the only one that feels that way" actually holds true. I'm definitely going to miss the class when it ends next week.

3. The grand celebration!!! We will be One Year Old in the eyes of God this weekend. Can't believe it's been a year already, how time flies. Feels like just yesterday I was panicking over wedding plans and details, now we can sit back to celebrate and recap our one year union. While it seems like it went by fast, it was a great one year, came with its challenges but by the grace of God we came out triumphant and we're still here and pray to be for many many many more years to come.

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

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Marriage Success Series: Lesson 6

RCCG Agape House of Worship
Marriage Success Class

Lesson 06 - Reducing and Resolving Conflict in Marriage

Personality Types: Three Personality Types - From "The Marriage Menders" by Drs Whiteman and Bartlett

Aggressive: Aggressive people are those with high tempo personalities, they yell, they are in your face and typically they intimidate people. They want a solution to whatever the problem is right away (even when angry) and they say things that would usually hurt the other person and hunt them later when things calm down.

An aggressive woman would use any means within her power to get what she wants, including crying and nagging. Many successful professional women in high positions (doctors, lawyers, CEOs etc) tend to be aggressive. An aggressive man on the other hand would seek to dominate the wife, make all the decisions and use yelling among other means of control, in cultures where physical abuse is tolerated, aggressive men do resort to beating their wives. If you are married to aggressive person, you would not have to worry about what's on their mind, you can be assured that they'll share their mind beyond what you want. On the other hand aggressive people also get things done, if they believe in a cause, they do whatever it takes
to make that thing happen.

Passive-Aggressive: Passive-Aggressive people don't usually like the aggressive posture over any issue (except once in a while), they'll rather say "Yes" when they already know what they are going to do, the yes is usually to get their aggressive spouse out of their face. Rather than speak up their concern on an issue they keep quiet but their displeasure is displayed in their behavior. For example, he/she might walk around the house banging the door after them; react to their spouse with short sentences, or act to sabotage their spouse just to get even or get back at them. People with these personalities can be dangerous because you never really know what's on their mind. When they say yes, as a spouse you have to watch to see if that yes is really "yes" or "yes - get out of my face" or "yes - I already know what I want to do".

Passive: Passive people don't really have an opinion on any issue and if they do, you have to force it out of them. Honey, what color do you think we should paint the house? I don't know whatever you choose is okay by me! This is a typical conversation when married to a passive person. When angry, passive people keep their opinion to themselves and implode, too many implosions cause physical and emotional ailments. However when passive people get to a stage or if pushed to the wall, they fight back typically exploding like a volcano. Just imagine the kids in schools who are teased over and over again by the jocks, and then one day, they get a gun and shoots any one in sight, that is a typical passive person's explosion.

When people with these different personalities get married we now have many unique ways marital conflicts tend to play out and different ways to resolve them.



W     O     M      A      N
Personality Combination
1. Fire for Fire
2. Sabotage
3. Abuse/Submissive
Passive -Aggressive
4. Time Bomb
5. Guerilla Warfare
6. Sudden/Death
7. Nagging/Shut down
8. Disappointment
9. Boredom

1. When an aggressive man and woman get married, that house would be a high octane one where fire would be returned for fire. The couple is often at each other's throat, perhaps yelling at each other, breaking things in the house and whatever aggression they can display to show their anger or get to the other person. The household is often known to the police.

2. When an aggressive man marries a passive-aggressive woman, while he yells and displays, she keeps quite sometimes agreeing with him, but deciding to sabotage his efforts. For example the husband might be yelling about spending from the checking account, she will agree with him to his face but go out the next day and do what she promised not to do.

3. An aggressive man and a passive woman is one were the man dominates the relationship with his aggressive postures, the woman on the other hand seeking peace, would not usually complain about much, even when she should have said something. Abuse is typical from the man in this relationship while the woman submits.

4. Having a passive-aggressive man and an aggressive woman brings its own uniqueness; the guys would hate the wife's aggressiveness and would then resort to acting out his displeasure rather than say anything. The woman on the other hand, while making her points clear through whatever means (usually ways he does not like), is frustrated because she does not know what is going on in his mind and resorts to guessing or watching his body-language.

5. Two passive-aggressive people looks more like the Mau-Mau warriors of Kenya during the colonial days fighting guerilla warfare against the British, fight and retreat only to strike again. Both hate confrontation, so would avoid it, so due to the lack of communication many issues are decided and actions are taken based on perception not reality. The husband and wife sabotage each other, they will agree on things and go back and do the opposite just because they want to get even.

6. In the relationship of a passive-aggressive man and a passive woman, you'll rarely hear the voice of both of them (except occasional outburst from the man). He'll avoid the issue and she'll have no opinion. This relationship runs the risk of a sudden death if both parties don't step up and deal with issues.

7. In relationship with passive man and an aggressive woman the woman often nags in an effort to get the man to do something or be the man of the house (which is actually counter-productive) and he would often shut down. The man would typically leave the decision making of the house to the woman and his biggest complaints would be her nagging and taking over the house, she'll counter with, he procrastinate and would not get anything done if I leave it to him!

8. Passive man and a passive-aggressive woman - the man won't say anything and the woman would probably not initiate conversation either, even if she is not happy. The woman might have occasional aggressive tendencies and she would more than likely be the one to initiate projects in the house and also the one to make it happen.

9. When two passive people marry,this would definitely be a happy go lucky couple but might not get anything done; also they'll avoid any issue that is confrontational which means many issues will be left unanswered.

Reducing Conflict in Marriage


1. Don't take your partner for granted: Be as polite, kind and considerate to your partner as you are to a casual acquaintance.
2. Don't mind-read: Don't assume that you know what your partner is thinking and feeling. There's a good chance you could be wrong, and wrong assumptions cause unnecessary conflict.
3. Don't blame: How easy it is to say, "It's your fault. You made me do it. It's because of you that things are so bad between us. You're the reason I feel so miserable."
4. Don't play-shrink: In other words, "Don't interpret!" Don't assume you understand your partner's deepest motivations and the subtlest nuances of his behavior. You may think you're objective, but let me tell you, nobody who is deeply involved in a relationship can maintain professional distance.
5. Don't say yes when you mean no: The problem with saying yes when we mean no is that we stop being real in the relationship. There's no intimacy in a relationship without honesty.
6. Don't use silence as a weapon: Silence is a deadly weapon. So, if you don't want to kill your relationship, then you need to learn how to express resentments in a way that can be heard, acknowledged and resolved.
7. Don't act out: Acting out is indirectly expressing feelings and emotions through behavior. People act out by having affairs, by making messes, by withdrawing, by becoming depressed, and even by suicide. They can act out by being irresponsible with money. There is no end to the ways that we have of saying, "I'm really angry at you."
8. Don't threaten: any statement, gesture or act that is designed to create physical or emotional pain in your partner. No matter how angry you are, make the following pledge to yourself: Under no circumstances whatsoever will I verbally or physically threaten my spouse.
9 . Don't discount: A discount is a remark designed to reduce your partner's self-worth. Some examples of discounting statements are: "You're so lazy," "You're irresponsible and untrustworthy," and "You're a terrible father and an awful husband."
10. Don't triangulate: A couple in a "conflictual" relationship sometimes develops alliances unconsciously with third parties such as children, parents. The function of this person is to reduce the strain between the couple. For example, a wife who is feeling lonely and cut off from her husband might increase her involvement with one or more of the children as a way of decreasing her unhappiness.

Color Burst

Hi beautiful people! Happy Sunday to you all and hope you had a nice one.  It's hard to believe summer is almost over and fall is around the corner, which brings us closer to winter, my least favorite of all.
Today was a very active Sunday. My church adopted a school this year and this summer, they organized a reading program for the children to complete their assigned summer reading. The program allowed the children to come into a quiet environment with mentorship to read and learn and also gave them access to equipments that they would otherwise not have available to them. Today was the graduation ceremony for the kids who completed their readings as well as the back to school backpack give away. The church threw them a block party with bouncy castle, flavored ice, cotton candy, face painters, loads of delicious food and much more.
It was a great day for the children and you can tell they were very proud of their achievements when receiving their certificate of completion as well as medals for perfect attendance and completing readings beyond the assigned one. Old people were not exclude from the fun either as I indulged myself in some cotton candy. Like I told someone sweet makes the heart happy.
The title of this post is a good representation of this dress. The dress is literally bursting of colors, the pictures do not do it justice. There's already so much color infused in the dress that I thought why not pile on more, so I added the red jacket. I chose neutral colored shoes to balance out the look so I don't  look like a starburst packet walking down the street. I hope I can get a couple more wear out of this dress before summer raps up, who knows if I'll  fit in the dress again come next summer.

Dress: Asos, Jacket: HM, Shoes: Jessica Simpson, Bag: Steve Madden, Bracelets: Cara couture

Peplum and Floral

Hi lovely readers! Hope your weekend was great! This weekend Mr. D and I attended our first wedding together. The wedding was fun and definitely a party scene. The reception was scheduled to end at 1:30am and we left at almost 12am. By the time we got home, we were both so tired. It was just another re-affirmation that those days of staying out late are long gone.
I decided to wear something different because wearing a dress to a wedding is very predictable. I opted for this net peplum top which I love. It's interesting how couples of years ago I would have looked at this pants and probably said it's too much going on, but now, it's what I gravitate towards. I think the top compliments the pants very well with the style and color. Have a great week ahead!

Top and Clutch: Asos, Pants: Zara, Shoes: VS, Necklace: Limited, Bracelets: Express & Cara couture

Marriage Success Series: Lesson 5

 RCCG Agape House of Worship
Marriage Success Class

Lesson 05 - Communication in Marriage
Text: Proverbs 25:11- 25

Five Love Languages
In his New York Times best seller Five Love Languages, Garry Chapman describes five ways people speak and understand emotional love. These he calls five love languages. Based on our nature and upbringing everybody has his or her own primary love language. Seldom do husband and wife have the same love language. We tend to speak our own love language and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. Understanding our spouse love languages improves communication in marriage and can help couples to identify practical and powerful
ways to express love, simply by using the appropriate love language. The five love languages are:

Words of Affirmation: Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important---hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time: In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there-with the TV off fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby-makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts: Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous-so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service: Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter.

Physical Touch: This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

What is Communication?
It is the blinding together of minds, ideas, and values. Communication is the mortar that holds a relationship together - if it breaks down the relationship will crumble. When spouses no longer communicate, a marriage nurtures no one. It is no longer a marriage. Where there is effective communication marriage is enjoyable, nurturing and can overcome any challenge. Lack of communication or poor communication is the primary reason marriages fail.

Methods of Communication
1. Verbal Communication: This involves the use of word of mouth. There are three aspects: The word spoken itself, the tone of the word and the timing or circumstance it is spoken. Prov.15: 23, prov.25: 11,25.

2. Body Language:This involves facial expressions, movement, etc. Prov. 10:4. Prov.l5:13

3. Communication in Writing: Letters, Cards, emails, text message etc.

Five Components of Good Communication
1.  Good communication in marriage is respectful: Disrespectful judgments, Sarcasm, ridicule, judgmental statements and accusations, and put downs fit into this category. Good communication avoids all such disrespect. Responses like, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard and actions like eye-rolling are incredibly disrespectful.

2. Good communication in marriage is quantitative: Because we are so busy these days most couples engage in meaningful conversation less than 15 minutes per week. The problem is not insurmountable, good conversation can occur while participating in other activities. Talk while taking a walk, working around the house together, while enduring a television commercial, while driving together to church, the grocery store, or a movie. Couples intent on quantitative as well as qualitative communication seize every possible moment to talk respectfully with one another.

3. Good communication in marriage is a two-way street: While effective, respectful talking is essential in good communication, respectful listening is also vital. Bad communication begins with one spouse dominating the conversation, but the listener can also ensure bad communication. A lack of eye contact, negative facial gestures, or disengaged body language also stymies good communication.

4. Good communication in marriage probes for more insight: No matter how well conceived and how well stated, most listeners fail to grasp the full meaning of the speaker, especially the subtle nuances. The only way to  overcome the unnecessary miscues in conversation is to ask questions. To maintain good communication, however, the questions must be asked respectfully and courteously.

5. Good communication in marriage is honest: Tragically, lying brings long-term consequences that most spouses fail to consider before twisting the truth. Honesty, however, is not merely avoiding falsehood. Honesty also means that we refuse to avoid sharing information that our spouse has the right to know and would want to know.

Hindrances to Effective Communication
l. Sinful Nature of Man: The sinful nature's attributes such as anger, pride deceitfulness, defensiveness are hindrances to communication in marriage. So also our natural characters like loudness, quietness etc

2. Ignorance: Ignorance about the importance of communication does not encourage investment in good communication.

3. Past experiences: Past experiences such as guilt, disappointments can affect our behaviors in marriage and hinder communication.

4. Social and Parental Influence: Most of us grow up with parents who did not communicate; hence we did not learn the skills to effectively communicate in our marriage.

5. Differences in Temperament: Differences in temperament means difference in methods of communication. This easily leads to conflict unless the spouses try to understand one another and each person works on his/her area of weaknesses.

6. Pressures in our Lifestyles: Pressures in lifestyle could be as a result of financial problems, working too many hours, sickness, bareness, financial issues, etc. This may result into nagging, and eventually complete withdrawal in communication.

7. Unresolved Conflict: Always resolve issues and conflict in your relationship, preferably before you go to bed or before the day is over.

Practical Ways to Communicate
1. Communicate in love Eph 4:15- Always make sure love is the overriding theme of your communication. Even when you want to tell your spouse a hard truth, start by expressing your genuine love for them. Remember you don't have the right to correct someone you have not shown love to.

2. Communicate in wisdom. I Pet 3:7 - Always choose the time and tone of your speech carefully. When in doubt, consult with a sodlv friend before expressing your mind.

3. Know and speak you partner's love language.

4. If possible set a day of the week to have family time.

5. Set time to discuss your visions and goals.

6. Pray and study the bible together.

7. Know about each others area of interest.

8. Balance your budget together every month.

9. Learn to say sorry. Two proud people who cannot say sorry cannot make it in marriage.

10. Be attentive to your partner, be slow to speak and eager to listen.

Marriage Success Series: Lesson 4

RCCG Agape House of Worship
Marriage Success Class
Lesson 04 - Money in Marriage
Texts: Amos 3:3, Matthew 19:3-9, Acts 18: l-4, Ephesians 5:21-24.

Issues around money account for the majority of the problems in marriage, unfortunately this fact is also true among believers. A lot of these problems stem from differences in attitudes towards money,
differences in financial habits and orientation, lack of trust in God, and most importantly failure to apply God' wisdom in the area of finances. As Christians we must handle money the way God says we should most especially in our marriage (Prov14: 12). Anytime we neglect God's wisdom and follow our own it always result in problems. The bible has answers even to financial issues in marriage and we must recognize that His commandments are for our good. I John 5: 3.

"Unless you surrender to each other your right over money, you will not surrender other rights"

How God Uses Money in Marriage
The bible teaches that money is a great tool that God uses in our lives especially in our marriage.
Financial problems in marriage are just symptoms of other problems in your life.

1 . God uses money as a test of faithfulness. Oftentimes when you face a job layoff or a mountain of
debt, how you handle them is a sign of your faithfulness of God. Luke 16:10-12

2. God uses money as a communication tool. If you and your spouse can discuss finances without
arguing chances are that you are not communicating well Phil.4: 15, I Tim. 6:18.

3. To test our character and attentiveness - Most singles are very sloppy when it comes to money
management. Getting married and having to manage money with your spouse gets you to focus
on money management which a good life skill.

Fundamentals of Money Management in Marriage
1. Acknowledge that God owns everything you have. I Cor.4: 7 - Couples who have not
acknowledged God's ownership of their money will find it hard in the area of money.

2. See each other as equal partner in the relationship and be accountable to each other. Eph.5:21

3. Be willing to accommodate your spouse through sacrifice - Accommodating your spouse
sometimes means sacrificing some of your values.

4. Think ahead and avoid problems. Luke 14:28, Prov.22;3 - The fewer problems you have the
easier is money management is your marriage.

5. Get educated about money matters. Prov.14: 15 - The more you know about money management
(taxes, insurances, investments etc) the easier it is to manage money in marriage.

Building Together: God's Perfect Will for Money in Marriage
The solution to money problem in marriage is a commitment to build together. Building together means pulling and merging your financial resources together. It means getting rid of "his money and her money" mentality. This single move will help you conquer most money problems in your marriage, which is a major breakthrough. Practically this means managing your money in such a way that any money earned by any of you belongs to both of you. Unfortunately many married couples are not married in the area of finances. When the bible says they shall become one flesh, it also covers the area such finance.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 - "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work"

Advantages of Building Together Eccl.4: 9
l. Building together encourages trust and sincerity - When the money is together trust becomes
easy and temptation are easy to defeat.

2. Building together encourages mutual dependency. I Corinthians 7:3-4. A healthy marriage is
where couple have programmed themselves to depend on each other for their needs.

3. Building together encourages effective communication - Most of us learn something when we
really have to; because you both have to talk about money you will learn to communicate.

4. Building together encourages goal compatibility. Mathew 18: 19 - When money is together there
is alignment in your goals and priorities.

5. Building together leads to good decision making process - Two heads are always better than one
especially when both heads feel like they have an equal stake in the outcome.

6. Building together leads to effective management and coordination of resources.

Disadvantages of Not Building Together:
l. Not building together can lead to insincerity in the relationship - When there is cloudiness and
no knowledge of what is going on, the enemy can sow seed of doubt and distrust.

2. Not building together can bring competitive spirit into the marriage - Each person's value is
attached to how much they bring in. For example, there may be times when one person has to
take a lower paying job for the sake of the family; this is difficult when not building together.

3. Not building together can lead to insensitivity to each other's needs. This will result in one party
feeling cheated. It also increases the temptation to use money to fight each other.

4. Not building together can lead to a sense of self sufficiency which kills love - When there is no
sense of needing each other for needs.

5. Not building together leads to bad decision making - When there is no need to consult the other
party in many areas of your decision making, you can easily make rash and bad decision.

6. Not building together leads to poor coordination and wastage of resources.

Practical Steps to Avoiding Financial Trouble in Marriage
1. Put God first in your finances; pay your tithes and offerings. Proverbs 3:9, Luke 6:38

2. Establish a monthly budget and appoint someone to manage the budget and money. Luke l4: 28

3. Eradicate and avoid consumer debt, live within your income. Remember it is not how much you
make but how much you spend. Proverbs22:7

4. Make time each month to review every area of spending to determine if you are on course.

5. Keep good records. By keeping good records, having a plan and being honest with oneself,
couple won't get into financial trouble.

6. Prepare for Emergency. Avoid living from paycheck to paycheck; not doing so will put a lot of
strain in your marriage.

7. Make plans for the future. Reserve a portion of your income for future (401K, IRA). Luke 14: 28

8. Seek good counsel and educate yourself in the area of finances. Proverbs 14: 15

Marriage Success Series: Lesson 2

Hi all! Hope all is well. Here's week 2 lesson from the 8 weeks marriage class. Enjoy!

RCCG Agape House of Worship
Marriage Success Class 

Lesson 02 - Foundation of a Healthy Marriage

In most cases people get into marriage because they are athacted to each other. Unfortunately that initial attraction (tingle) does not always last for long. After the first or second year of marriage, when the initial "tingle" is starting to fade, many couples find that they don't feel towards each other the way they used to. Many people foolishly take this to mean the marriage is over; I don't love him/her an)more or vice versa. This is the reason most marriage failures occur within the first two to three years of marriage. The fact is there is only so far the initial feeling that brings us into marriage can take us. The true virtue that sustains a marriage is commitment. Commitment means choosing to love. That is actually the true definition of love and that is the vow we make when we get manied.

Psalm 1 1:3 - "when the foundations ore being destroyed, what can the righteous do? "

What is Healthy Marriage?
  • In a healthy marriage each element (person) in the marriage performs his/her God-given functions well. The husband perform his role of the servant leader of the house (Eph. 5: 2l-33,lPeter3:7) while the wife performs her role as the helper and supporter of the husband. 
  • A healthy marriage is well oiled (with love, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness etc) and can easily adapt to changes and challenges as they come. Unhealthy marriages get thrown-off by changes as they occur in marriage while a healthy marriage is able to recalibrate and adapt. 
  • Healthy marriage involves people of healthy personalities. A healthy marriage is impossible when one party has unhealthy personality like poor self esteem, pride etc. 
  • In healthy relationships, a period of confrontation ends in forgiveness - in drawing together - in deeper respect and understanding - and sometimes in sexual satisfaction. But in unstable marriages, a period of conflict produces greater pain and anger that persists until the next fight. When that occurs, one unresolved issue is compounded by another and another. That accumulation of resentment is an ominous circumstance in any marriage. This is why the apostle Paul admonished us not to let the sun go down on our wrath (Ephesians 4:26).
Commitment is the Foundation for a Healthy Marriage: To have and maintain a healthy marriage a Christian couple must make commitment in the following three areas:

l. commitment to God - commitment in following Jesus. Luke 14:25-28
  • Commitment demands a choice: Jesus wasted no time getting to the heart of commitment: either the disciples would be committed to Him and deny their own desires or they would be determined to go their own ways and deny Him. The choice to commit is the same for all believers - either deny ourselves or deny Him; we either go His way or we pursue our way. 
  • Commitment demands action: it cannot be divorced from responsibility. It extends beyond our relationship to the heavenly Father to other areas of life. Ruth's words of commitment to Naomi did not speak as loudly as did her actions. She left her family and homeland to return with Naomi to Bethlehem.
2. Commitment to Each Other
A couple must be committed to each other's welfare, wellbeing at the expense of self. Marriage is a commitment to forget any exit strategy and stay together regardless of situation or circumstance.

Genesis 2:24: - For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.

Mathew 19:6 - Jesus made some inferences for us: "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man sepdrate.

In answer to a specific question that the Pharisees had posed to him, He went on to explain that God
directed Moses to permit divorce only because of his people's hardness of heart, or sinful stubbornness.
Divorce was established to guard innocent people who were being taken advantage of in the rush to put spouses, usually women, away. Jesus added that divorce was allowed (not commanded) only in the case of adultery. Verse 9: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marry another woman commits adultery. "

3. Commitment to Personal and Spiritual Growth
Growth is a sign of health, by nature living things must grow. Anytime one party in a marriage refuses to grow or one party is growing at a much slower pace than the other, conflicts are bound to occur. For a marriage to remain healthy both party must make a lifelong commitment to personal and spiritual growth.

 Additional personal notes:
  • Do not take wedding vows for granted, as you're entering into a covenant with God and your spouse. To help understand the magnitude of the vows you're going to be reciting, meditate on it before the wedding and understand the power in each word.
  • Sometimes your destiny is tied to your marriage and the moment you end the marriage you cut your destiny short.
  • You have to be willing to accept change in a marriage and be willing to help each change - unhealthy personalities.
  • Separate your emotions from your responsibilities. Don't stop cooking or fulfilling your wifely duties during conflicts. *
  • Do not let your conflict drag on longer than it has to -  forgiveness
  • Teaching moment: instead of reproaching a bad behavior or attribute of your spouse find a teaching moment where they'll clearly see the reason they need to change instead of you forcing them to. Careful not to make it a I told you so moment.
  • The marriage is like a triangle where you are both on each edge and God is at the top. Make God your focus and you'll both be working towards a common goal and eventually align together. If you make each other your focus without God, you'll never have a meeting point.
  • No exit plan, if you have a backup plan of what you'll do when things goes sour, you'll be subconscious working toward that plan.
  • Marriage is a living organism, you have to feed it to grow - with spiritual elements.
  • Spiritually, feed yourselves the same material so you may grow at the same pace and think same.
  • Yearn to grow, where you are and what you know today will not sustain you in 5 years.
For comments, thoughts, addition, clarification - leave a comment.

Green Polka Dots

 Hi Lovelies! Hope you had a great weekend. Mine was good, it started off very tiring. On Friday night, I was so tired all I could do was lay down and  sleep and every time I wake up and try to get up, it was like my body was in a totally different place, I couldn't control it to get up. After a couple of hours of struggling, I was finally able to convince my body to get up. But I was still so weak  that I picked up a piece of paper and it fell right out of my hand.
 Saturday was much better. Went to see Bourne Legacy. It was ok, but not as good as I was expecting it to be considering the previous ones were pretty good. I thought it was a little slow, maybe it's because they are just introducing this new character and they're trying to build up his story, but something was not quite there. Still love Jeremy Renner and his performance though. It was just okay for me. Has anyone else seen the movie and what are your thoughts?
 On to the outfit. Pleats and polka dots are two of my favorite things and every chance I get to combine both is always an exciting opportunity, which is why this skirt is just a perfect piece. Paired it with a floral top, some black black details and I was ready for church.

Top: H&M, Skirts and Belt: F21, Shoes: VS, Bag: Steve Madden, Jewelry: Macys

Black Jumpsuit

 Easy, breezy, beautiful jumpsuit. I like Jumpsuits, they are easy to wear and leaves a lot of room for personalization, especially this black piece. I love this piece because it's so simple but classic and elegant at the same time, which means you can do no wrong no matter how you choose to style or accessorize it. I expect this piece to come to my rescue in my moments of indecisiveness.

Jumpsuit: Zara, Shoes: VS, Bag: Asos, Necklace: F21, Bracelet: Cara

Weekend on Instagram

Hi Lovelies!

Hope you're having a great week and I pray the rest of the week will be the best of this week for you.

Last weekend, I was in food paradise. We went to a BBQ/Pool party and the food was on point. Everyone including myself kept complaining we were full, but as soon as the next food item makes it out, everyone was off their seat and in line for the next best thing. From the fish, to the ginormous chicken, the ribs, roasted corn and specially noted boli (roasted plantain) and groundnut and the Suya; just to name a few. Can't remember the last time I ate boli and groundnut. Hands down, the best BBQ I've been to so far.

Treated myself to a specially made crepe filled with fruits on Saturday and on Sunday chilled out after church with a glass of strawberry and banana smoothie.

Follow me on Instagram here @Sixthlens to keep up with my random moments.

Have a blessed week!

Marriage Success series: Lesson 3

RCCG Agape House of Worship
Marriage Success Class 

Lesson 03 - Marriage: Covenant or Contract
Text: Malachi 2: 14

ln law, a contract is a binding legal agreement that is enforceable in a court of law or by binding arbitration. That is a contract is an exchange of promises with a specific remedy for breach. ln contract:
  •  Two people determines the terms, hence it is subject to interpretation 
  • The government, court and lawyers are the primary focus and remedy
  • People look for loopholes
Malachi 2:14 - You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wtfe of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she i your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
  • It is spiritual and for o a higher pu{pose. The terms are determined by a higher being, God
  • In covenant you become identified with the other individual and there is a supernatural commingling of two lives. "two becoming one flesh" 
  • Covenant is ritualistic. It involves a sign to remember (Genesis 9:16),a change of name (Genesis l7:5), sharing of meal (1 Corinthians I I :24) and sacrifice. 
  • Covenant cannot be broken without serious spiritual consequence.
Marriage: Contract or Covenant
In the old Testament days a covenant was the most sacred and solemn of pledges. when two people entered into a covenant with one another, a goat or lamb would be slain and its carcass would be cut in half. With the two halves separated and lying on the ground, the two people who had formed the covenant would solemnize their promise by walking between the two halves saying, "May bod do so to me [cut me in half] if I ever break this covenant with you and God!" You get the feeling that a covenant in those days had just a little more substance than today. To an ordinary man marriage is a legal contract between a man and a woman, bui in the eye of God marriage is more than a contract, it is a covenant. Covenant is-spiritual thing and must not be taken lightly. The bible compares marriage relationship to that of Jesus Christ and the Church.

Eph 5: 21-Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it

1 Corinthian 6: 16-8 - Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one Flesh. " But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality' All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

Marriage Was Instituted By God
To most of us the desire to get married seems very natural, but the truth is that that desire was put there by God. The idea of marriage originated from God right from.  the creation of man (Genesis 2: l8-24). The implication of this is however is that marriage can only be sustained by God's principles. Looking at Genesis 2: l8-24, there are two aspects to marriage:

  • Attraction - Attraction is what brings the two of you together (looks, education, background, complexion etc). Adam was attracted to his wife as soon as he saw her.
  • Commitment - Commitment is what sustains a marriage. While attraction brings you together, it does not sustain a marriage' What sustains a marriage is commitment. It is the principle of leaving and cleaving
Marriage Requires Work
Because marriage was instituted by God, it can only be sustained by God and His principle. Eph.5: 22-29 gives us some of the responsibilities of both husband and wife in a marriage.

Eph.5: 22 - "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ...... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy"

Genesis 2 also tells us that marriage involves abandoning individualistic lifestyle to embrace a lifestyle of collectiveness. When you get married, it no longer mines but ours.

Genesis 2: 23-24 - The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh

Spiritual Aspect of Marriage
Lasting and blissful marriage requires submission of the two people involved to God first and to one another. Marriage itself is a mirror of the relationship between Christ and the Church. Therefore, without a personal relationship with Jesus, it is impossible to have a marriage that is blissful and fulfills God's purpose.

I lohn 5: 4-5 - For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

John 3: 3 - Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

Thankful Thursday

This Thursday I'm thankful for...

1. The grace to live to see another day.

2. For a wonderful and thoughtful husband that refills my gas tank when I refuse to, even when the E light comes on. I don't know what it is with me and gas stations, but if I had my way, I'll probably never stop at the gas station for gas. On my way home from work yesterday, I noticed my gas was almost empty, did that prompt me to stop by the gas station? absolutely not. I figured I'll do it later, when that later will be I have no clue because once I get home from work, I rarely go back out for anything, not to talk of gas and I know I'm definitely not going to stop during my commute in the morning. Do I dare add that I don't even have to get out of my car to pump my own gas because in NJ they pump your gas for you. So, how I was going to get to work the next day was hoping I can make it on empty. Smh... But, thank God I didn't have to worry about that because by the time I got to my car the next morning, there was gas in my car, thanks to hubby.  That definitely helped me start off  my day with a smile on my face, an appreciate for the little things hubby does and on a brighter note.

3. The Cornerstone by Hillsong Album . This album has been my companion while driving and inspiration this week and I can't get enough of it. It's uplifting, energetic, refreshing, reminds of His greatness and just puts me in the right spirit.

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

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Print Bottom - 1Pant-1Weekend-2Outfits

 I'm in love with this pant. The print, the lightweight, the fit, everything. I've been longing to wear this pants ever since I bought it, and I finally got the chance to last weekend. Let just say I might have worn it one too many times. Being that I couldn't wait to wear it, I had planned out the whole outfit until my not so lucky luck with shoes kicked in. The shoes I was planning on wearing, the heels broke at work the day before. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse. I was just complaining couples of days before how all my shoes are nicked, scratched, dented in one way or the other and I am not clumsy at all. I just happen to walk on uneven surfaces  a lot and my heels sink into gravels, pavement, and elevator shaft quite often. It funny because it's the days I'm extra cautious not to scratch or sink into any hole that that's exactly when it happens. Anyways, since the shoe is at the repair shop, I opted for something else which I ended up liking way better than what I had previously laid out.
I kept it quite casual with the first look, going with a black tank and jacket, letting the pant shine. With the second look I went with a strip shirt on the print pant to create a contrast. Any preference?

Pant: Zara, Jacket: F21, Shirt: F21, Shoes: VS & Macys, Necklace: F21 & Target, Clutch: Asos